When Love Is Deep, Fear Losses Its Grip
When we focus on our personal growth, we create a foundation for love that can withstand life's storms.
Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another. ~Thomas Merton
Disclaimer: Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
Recently, I had a couple walk into the design area of my place of business, their love radiating like a beacon of light. Cristina, with her bright smile and sparkling eyes, navigated the entrance with the help of her husband, John, who pushed her in a 2-in-1 walker and transport chair. The way he affectionately called her “my girl” made her eyes light up, and I could sense the depth of their connection.
As we talked, I learned they’d been married for 18 years, and their bond was forged in the fire of adversity. Three years ago, a devastating car accident left Cristina with a severe brain injury, and the doctors doubted she'd ever wake up or walk again. But John refused to give up. When he saw the MRI, he told the doctors, “Let’s see what she wants to do.” His unwavering hope and determination were evidence of the love they shared. His faith was not a passive acceptance but an active surrender, a willingness to trust in the divine will.
As John helped Cristina navigate the store and try out several reclining couches, his care and attention to her needs were palpable. He’d ask her to stand, holding her hands, and she’d smile, her eyes locked on his. She stood tall, her posture radiating a fierce sense of determination. Their love wasn’t just a feeling but a choice—a choice to stand by each other, no matter what—a visible sign of the invisible grace that sustained them.
Their story touched my heart, and I sensed that Cristina’s will to live was fueled by her strength and John’s love and support. As he said, “The love we have cannot be duplicated. We were meant for each other, and I stand by her no matter what.” I felt honored to witness their love, a reminder that true devotion can conquer even the darkest challenges.
Love and freedom are inseparable. In healthy love, one takes care of the other, and no one is forced to suffer for love.
The chemistry of the soul
In the presence of such love, I felt my heart expand and my faith deepens. It continued to remind me that we are all connected and that our passion and losses are fused with the divine story. Cristina and John’s story became a mirror, reflecting the depths of my faith and the endless love that sustains us all.
I often reflect on Cristina and John’s marriage and how the right words can serve as the very chemistry of the soul. The wrong ones intoxicate us, while the right ones nourish and heal us.
In the early stages of a relationship, something magical happens when two people meet. A spark ignites within them, drawing them closer together as if by an unseen force. That initial attraction brings excitement and passion, illuminating their connection like the warm glow of flames. This chemistry isn’t just physical; it resonates deeper, intertwining their souls and hinting they might never want to part ways. Every love story begins with an infinite potential, set against a vast backdrop where time seems to stretch infinitely. It’s a beautiful journey that can lead them toward a lifetime together. But while the possibilities are endless, the path isn’t always straightforward, and not every love story follows the same trajectory.
Some couples have been together for years, often caught in a cycle of the same conversations. I’ve experienced this myself, and for a long time, I convinced myself it was just part of the journey. Whenever a new romantic relationship starts, we’re filled with hope and anxiety, wondering if it will last and how deeply it will connect us. Our surroundings and our inner worlds shift as love unfolds. When someone truly loves you, it brings a surge of energy that awakens your spirit and helps you recognize your beauty. Love, when nurtured, has the incredible potential to endure forever.
It’s fascinating to observe how some couples seem to rise above life’s challenges, their love standing strong even when faced with adversity. On the other hand, some relationships that start with so much promise find it hard to stay afloat. What distinguishes these couples? Is it their compatibility, shared values, or perhaps something deeper? Maybe it comes down to their readiness to embrace their flaws and recognize the imperfections that can weigh a relationship down. Often, we get caught up in trying to change our partners instead of looking inward and reflecting on ourselves.
When intensity dissipates
As we progress beyond the initial thrill of falling in love, we often search for clarity, especially as emotions run high. This can lead to overanalyzing our partners, which can be tricky because no one can withstand that level of scrutiny without showing some flaws. When we start to focus on imperfections, it can create distance and allow judgment to creep into our relationship.
Love can sometimes blur our vision, making it challenging to truly see our partner for who they are. When those intense feelings fade, our perspective shifts, and we begin to view things more clearly. In those moments when we let go of judgment, love can flow freely, allowing us to appreciate the beauty in our partner without causing hurt or defensiveness. I also believe lasting love requires a deep understanding of oneself and one’s partner. It demands empathy, forgiveness, and a commitment to growth individually and together. We create space for a genuine connection when we take responsibility for our actions, emotions, and weaknesses.
Successful relationships aren’t about finding a prince charming; they’re about becoming the best version of ourselves. When we focus on our personal growth, we create a foundation for love that can withstand life’s storms. And it’s not about whether our partner loves us perfectly, but whether we love ourselves and each other imperfectly, yet unconditionally.
Some people prefer to enjoy relationships without the pressure of expectations, which isn’t entirely a bad approach. Yet, it’s common for us to complicate our own love stories without realizing it. Relationships evolve, and we do too, nothing remains static. The only constant in relationships is change. Plus, what matters the most is the present moment. Deep down, many of us still hold on to the hope of “forever” and yearn to create a life that embraces that commitment.
Reflect on a challenging time in your own relationship. How did you navigate it, and what did you learn from the experience?
Thank you for reading.
May the flow be with you now and always! 🙏🏽
With love,
Yoli
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Cristina and John’s story touched me. It’s a beautiful reminder that real love shows up in the hard moments, not just the easy ones. Their strength, care, and quiet commitment are what many of us hope to give and receive. A great essay, Yoli.
I love me a nice example of romantic love in the wild! Oh gosh! So much to take from their exemplary life! ...and thanks for sharing!